Sunday, August 19, 2012

Paraprosdokians to banish rainy weather gloom

Again my inbox yielded something to make me smile. With thanks to Francisco Pellicer Viri for his generous sharing of these tidbits of lightness written by Mr. or Ms. Anonymous and for teaching me a new tongue twister: "paraprosdokians."

PARAPROSDOKIANS:  Winston Churchill loved them. They are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising, unexpected and frequently humorous.

1. Where there's a will,  I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.  But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you,  we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up,  we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.  Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. My desk is a work station!

11. I thought I wanted a career.  Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency,  notify : - I put- 'KAISER.'  (In reference to number 12. Kaiser is a chain of hospitals in the west coast region of the USA. They have abot 20 hosptials in California alone.  They have one of the best hospital foods. Nutritionally measured and given culinary considerations.  Of course, I never tried the hospital food at Cedar Sinai and Mt. Sinai which I have heard is also very good.)
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a very fuzzy memory.

17. You don't need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm really not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target,  shoot first  and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia sure isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a mechanic.

26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.

Photo of smiley emoticons from the World Wide Web

Post a Comment