Closings

"It's rather curious, but no matter how old we are, we're always troubled by inexperience--always searching for direction. Don't you agree?...Wake up! Stay awake! I say. You know, faith and hope, those strengths we gained when we were young, are all the more important in old age." - Joan Erikson speaking in Joan Anderson's A Walk on the Beach: Tales on Wisdom from an Unconventional Woman

News of their passing arrived by SMS, email, a phone call a few hours before dawn when I was in that blurry zone between dreaming and wakefulness. The deaths came one after the other during the waning days of September as the month made way for October.

No matter how faith prepares us for death's inevitability, we're still caught by surprise. It's a wonder I got off a jeepney or a cab or a bus without incident as the news of each closing of a life arrived. It's a wonder, too, that my cousins, who are also friends, were able to gather the generations before or after us in an exercise of oneness during the grieving days that, speaking for myself, are not quite over.

I name the departed in the hope that their journey from this dimension to that place suffused with light and love is devoid of the pain, discomfort and all things humans go through in a thorough cleansing process before they behold and become united anew with the Sublime and Divine: cousin-in-law Rodolfo "Dups" de los Reyes, father to nieces Raissa Jeanne and Regina May; Priscilla Flor Domingo, my high school batch's teacher of history, geography and economics; Rosalinda Olivar of Villasis, Pangasinan, mother to Mackenzie, who's part of our extended family in Baguio; Auntie Fe who I associate with adept piano playing (she confidently carried the melody of "Blue Moon" while I struggled to keep up with the bass part) and a unique kind of chuckle that came from deep inside her; and Flora Abeya of Sagada, Mountain Province, gracious Lola Flora to those who visited at her A-7 home in the Cordillera town and a respected "kingmaker" of sorts there.

See you around at the blue-ing of the next moon!

She was known to us as Miss Flor at St. Paul Quezon City. Stark in this former student's mind is her narration how she and her fellow history majors visited Emilio Aguinaldo in his home to try to get him to answer their questions about the Bonifacio puzzle: who had him killed and why? She told of his repeated denials of his involvement. Another time she mused aloud how we were all too young to have known the country to be seized by an overwhelming love for it as one beholds it. It felt that way for her, she said. And so she rests in Taytay, Rizal.

Febe "Fe" Valdellon (left), beloved aunt and the eldest of the five Lolarga siblings, is seen here with sister Pacita Romero, brothers Enrique Jr., Ernesto and Celso, at the May 1988 burial of their mother, Telesfora Cariño Lolarga. The five are reunited.

TBT: Our ancestors

Formal portrait of Telesfora Cariño Lolarga and her five children. Seated are: Pacita L. Romero and Febe L. Valdellon. Standing (from left): Celso, Enrique Jr. and Ernesto.

My very (emphasis on the "very") organized sister Suzy, the one who has taken it upon herself to sort things out, in a manner of speaking, in the Pasig and Baguio houses unfailingly brings out from some ignored or rarely visited corner precious finds like this formal portrait of our grandmother, Telesfora Cariño Lolarga, and her five adult children in their graduation togas. Knowing how much education was valued in her time (she was, after all, an elementary school teacher in her youth), I'm guessing that the serene smile on her face is maternal pride because her kids are all professionals, and more!

This adoring granddaughter reposts this photo on what's known as Throwback Thursday (TBT) in other parts of social media today.

When my correspondence buddy Benjie Abellera once saw Lola's picture, he compared her beauty to that of a young Kim Novak.

TBT also makes me recall writer-anthropologist-bookshop owner Padma Perez and the rueful text she sent me when her Lola Darling passed away and she had to suddenly leave Baguio for the rites. She asked if we would ever be as gracious as that generation of lolas. I could only come up with this answer: "In our own way, in our own way."

The picture used to hang in Lola's house in Lower Brookside, Baguio. It's now with us, still in its laminated form. I know that lamination is not exactly kind to photographs. How to un-laminate is the next move when future budget allows.

Meanwhile, we keep the memory of our Lola and the three sons and one daughter, who are reunited with her, evergreen in our hearts. Auntie Fe is still in Virginia, and our loving thoughts of continued good health fly to her on this Thursday.