Thursday, February 28, 2013

Oprah's sassy wisdom to close February

The words below are attributed to Ms. Winfrey so I'll leave her to be spokesperson for many women in my extended family that grew even bigger with the marriage of Jaja Jorge and Pao-pao L. Susi and the earlier arrival of their son Jarjar (Jared Franco).

Friday before this Saturday wedding, I was at a children's party where I met up with my fellow grannies (our kids know one another, more or less; the occasion was the first birthday of one granny's first apo). 

At one point, we the oldies agreed to let our children live their own lives; we just don't have that much hold on their choices anymore. Time to detach some more. Meantime, as we turned our gaze on the loveable wee ones, oh whadda heck! I'm gonna let Oprah do the talking. She's always better at these things.
The photog's instructions: move in, then compress. Which we all did (the Lolargas, the Fernandezes, the Trinidads, the Susis, the Arriolas). Easily four generations in this one photo picked out of hundreds of others and the count for girls and women is higher.

The wisdom of Oprah Winfrey

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
 
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. 

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
 
Slower is better.
 
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
 
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, 
you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
 
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
 
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
 
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
 
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
 
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
 
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
 
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
 
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
 
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are even if he has more education or in a better job.
 
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more, nothing less.
 
Never let a man define who you are.
 
Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
 
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.
 
You should not be the one doing all the bending. Compromise is a two-way street.
 
You need time to heal between relationships.
 
There is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
 
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.
 
Dating is fun even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
 
Make him miss you sometimes. 
When a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him, he takes it for granted.
 
Never move into his mother's house.
 
Never co-sign for a man.
 
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
 
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
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