Sunday, December 30, 2012

A Singular Experience

There will be no wake

for Jerry Araos,

self-made sculptor

& landscape artist.

Flowers are forbidden

lest his funeral be

mistaken for some artificial

garden.

Cremation will be quick,

& ceremony brief.

He will not allow the living

to speechify on his absence.

Such is the solitary warrior

in him

who must have imagined

a long, long time ago

the kind of his passing

when

revolution was a true word

& betrayal

was never a big deal…

--Edel Garcellano in "The Warrior and Other Poems," http://theworksofedelgarcellano.wordpress.com/tag/artist-jerry-araos

5. Acceptance

Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. Death may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression… The dignity and grace shown by our dying loved ones may well be their last gift to us.

Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience — nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through. But others can be there for you and help comfort you through this process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Resisting it only will prolong the natural process of healing. --Julie Axelrod, "The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief", http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/

how would i know, edel,

that the parting

between friends

& kin of spirit

would happen post-breakfast?

he took off for another round

of doctor's consultations

a dialysis session

with his wife following

carrying a full picnic basket

since jerry always wanted

to feed the nursing staff

that took care of him

& to tell them how he loved them

that morning i toddled off, too,

to pick up a new pair

of eyeglasses to see

the world through

proper lenses, the old pair

having caused

a lot of blurred

real images

how was i to know it would

be our last encounter

on that second week

of december

before i tumbled

half-heartedly into

the season's oft-times

mindless celebrating?

i left the books on

legacy writing,

on writing down the bones,

on leaving a trace

by a corner table

in his house

confident we would

resume conversing

after the holidays

yes, edel, he had begun

dictating, at random,

all the hurts & garbage

that had weakened

a strong, generous heart,

hurts left by mortals

unworthy of him

the doctor in the house

said we must continue

these exercises because

they would help him

achieve a catharsis

& perhaps perhaps

complete the healing

as he forgives trespassers

& also forgives himself

he had told his wife & me

his dream the night before,

how rock edralin was

summoning him

to join him,

crying out,

here's a better place!

he looked a bit shaken

before he could sip his first

half cup of coffee that morn

i shushed him,

trying to appear

the expert reader of dreams

who had read & engaged with

jung & freud now & then

jerry, it was not rock herself

who was calling you,

that was an aspect

of you,

rock is you,

the rock in your dream

was a stand-in

so the question is,

what did rock mean to you?

what did

she represent

in this life to you?

he looked away as was his wont

when we were diving into

deeper water,

then asked

for the platter of fruits

to be passed

the conversation moved

to another subject

as conversations are wont to do

when one reaches that place,

oh, how he'd hate this pun,

between a rock & a hard place

but i had heard him

speak of rock

in another time

in those long ago years

before cancer feasted on her

he said

if he faced the enemy

in an attack

where his soldiers

were outnumbered,

he would still be

there leading

with his guns blazing

even if his soldiers

had been decimated,

he would keep on firing

at the enemy because

he knew rock

was beside him

standing tall & fierce

blasting away

not flinching at

nor dodging

bullets